theFadedAngel

Memories

2008-02-27T22:36:00.002+08:00

I saw this on my friends blog, it triggers memories...

My rage passed with the same acuteness as when it came. My strength was lost. My arm weak with pain and my breathing heavy from the exertion. My head spun, both from the loss of blood and anger. What was I angry about? What had I to be angry about? I brought this solely upon myself. I loved what was impossible for me to have, lusted to be with someone I could never hold in my arms. Yet the times we had together kept coming back to me. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. When my thoughts wonder I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you. Yet you left me to think, to ponder and cry when you had fun... you left me in the deeps of the sorrow and walked into the light of happiness. WHY?!

Why? Why would you not accept my love? Why did you push me to a side, take me as if I was just a friend? What do you treat me as? My mind is confused, my heart aches to be with you, my soul thirsts for your love, yet you hold back yourself… why?

Love needs no reason. Love is free. To love freely is to know a bliss that I find… a bliss and happiness that was never mine to be. I love you without reason, without conditions. My heart longs to see you happy, to see you smile. I want to be the one by your side through everything, to be by your side when you need a comforting word, a firm hold and a shoulder to cry into; would you let me?

You left me. Now when I need help the most, will you come back to me? I ponder over my possibilities. The corrugated blood on the blade serves as a stark reminder. Just one swift movement of that keen edge could end my knife like it drew blood from my hand. I took up the blade and pressed it to my throat. The cold steel drew a single bead of warm blood. Tears welled up in my eyes... this could be the last. I could press harder and end this all.

It reminds me, it reminds me of my past, the past which formed my future and made me who I am now... And as I think about it, I feel that our situation was horrifyingly similar, same school, having the same CCA etc etc. Well, you're lucky you didn't get the taunting, which I childishly brought upon myself. Well, lifes like that, learning things from the hard way...

With many tears,
~FadingSnowAngel

2008-02-26T02:44:00.002+08:00

Split Personality 2:

I finally understand. I know how fake you can be. You have past the point of no return, your real face has disintegrated under the numerous masks that you wear. They say people's eyes are the windows to their souls but I've seen through those eyes... I see through those beautiful eyes and I see nothingness, just a hunger to satisfy it's own desire. Why? Im sorry, this could be a biased view. Im sorry...
I feel so scared... The world around me is crumbling. They give you a nice smile but they hold knives behind their backs. Maybe its just my perception, maybe im just being paranoid.
I feel so sad... The world around me is crumbling. I beg to differ, I've really tried my best. What's wrong with me? Why are you treating me like this? Or is it just my perception again?
I give people a smile, but I feel so sad.
Why is it always like this?
Self-Pity, I hold on to it like my life-boat... I despise it, yet who can I tell?
I miss my true friends... the people who had once quarreled with me, yet we became friends again. "What does not destroy you makes you stronger"

Your Words are meaningless, your smiles are fake your messages has no meaning. Is that true? Do I go by looks and achievements alone? I feel angry with myself. I've matured, but 泼出来的水不能收回，whats done is done. Im sorry.

Yours Sincerely,
~FadingSnowAngel

2008-02-17T17:01:00.002+08:00

Happy Side:

Friday: Willie followed us to GE and then we had comm elections... Then Willie said that Sherry looks hot or something... I don't know whether she's pissed or happy with that comment because she was laughing and threatening Willie at the same time??? LOL

Oh!!! Thanks Sherry for changing lessons with me...

I want to go into Logistics but after hearing that Logistics also have to deal with scores I decided not to go for it... because I feel that my handwriting is illegible and I'm still not proficient in reading wu xian pu!!! ~ pout~

Saturday: Went for tuition, Tricia said she is a nerrrddd(LOL!! Although I think otherwise... she's just a little light-headed) and Zhaoting said that he wants to transfer over to SJI.

Hmmm... I think Zhaoting can get in but... he will have to adapt... fast.

Sunday: TOMORROW IS PHYSICS TEST!!! WHAT AM I DOING HERE POSTING!!!

Dark Side:

My real face has disintegrated underneath my mask, well, back to wearing my mask again...

Conducting Tip: Get your rhythm right before you even start conducting...noob

2008-02-13T23:14:00.002+08:00

The counselors said that I could tell them any problems that I have...
Why should I tell them?
Why?
I don't need anybody to pity me.
I don't need anybody to care about me.

You think what you see hear is all deception,just a few words to attract attention...

Heres the truth...

I am not who I really am.
What you see is a mask.
What you see is not me.
That fake smile.
Those fake laughs.
Its been long since I've looked at the mirror...
Who is the real me?

~ZephyrAndSnowAngel is still waiting

Shouting is heard, screams are heard...
Happy Valentines Day
Good luck for your term tests

2008-02-10T14:06:00.001+08:00

I shall remove my mask and confront the world

2008-01-24T01:25:00.000+08:00

I saw what was in front of me and gave a bitter laugh.
What irony.
I do my best to help others and to complete and fulfill my promises, but what do I get?
I stared at my literature review/intro and thought to myself "Why must I torture myself? Why must I torture myself so that others can make use of me?"

What irony... what irony...

~ SnowAngel

Changing... mutating... the hate in his heart has turned him... his eyes bloodshot, his heart as black as coal...

2008-01-16T21:46:00.000+08:00

I am obstinate...
I am attention-seeking....
I am your demon in hell...
I am foolish...
I am inferior...
I am lame...
I am disliked by everybody because I am anti-social...
I am stupid...
This post shows that I am attention-seeking...
And this post is not being funny...
I am serious...
I am sick of this...
I am alone...
Face this demon with me or just say no...
No hesitations....
No halts...
Just decisions...
Just say yes or no...
It ends now...

~SnowAngel

Lays in despair as he's wings shrivel... Face disfigured and body battered...

2008-01-14T17:41:00.001+08:00

Ngee Ann Polytechnic Performance was great!!
Although they did flop... but i still think it was great. Especially the song from someone anime... what was it again... hmmm nvm...
Wanhua's Erhu Rhapsody was a little... gay... pls go hear the kuai ban....

Today is monday!! The stupid day where we have to do SOOOOO many things...Dam... had a great time in physics lab with Zhen quan as we played with the weights and the strings and the things there... you wouldnt understand it if you werent there to see it...
Discovery and Research was BORING.... the lecturer(Shant say the person's name) was lyk going "Bla bla bla bla bla blabla bla. SIT UP STRAIGHT! SOMEONE FROM CSE SHOULDNT BE SITTING LYK THAT! Bla bla bla bla bla bla..." Long Peng and me were lyk going to fall asleep...

~SnowAngel

Gives his condolences to the Peh family for their great loss.

2008-01-09T17:20:00.000+08:00

Shall make this short and sweet... CSE is okay... Just a little STRESSSSSS!!! RAAAWWWRR..

As Yijing says, Reign of Terror... yup Reign of Terror

~SnowAngel

2008-01-06T05:42:00.000+08:00

Oh man.... Mr Hon wants me to create an official blog so that he can know more about us!!! Should I do it? I should lock up this blog. Can't let him see my emo posts...
oh yah.. i decided that i shouldnt post anymore emo posts... i'll just vent all my frustration on one line...

Saw this funny joke on Alfred's blog:

Bush: Condi! Nice to see you. What's happening?
Condi: Sir, I have the report here about the new leader of China.
Bush: Great. Lay it on me.
Condi: Hu is the new leader of China.
Bush: That's what I want to know.
Condi: That's what I'm telling you.
Bush: That's what I'm asking you. Who is the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: I mean the fellow's name.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The guy in China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The new leader of China.
Condi: Hu.
Bush: The Chinaman!
Condi: Hu is leading China.
Bush: Now whaddya' asking me for?
Condi: I'm telling you Hu is leading China.
Bush: Well, I'm asking you. Who is leading China?
Condi: That's the man's name.
Bush: That's who's name?
Condi: Yes.
Bush: Will you or will you not tell me the name of the new leader of China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir? Yassir Arafat is in China? I thought he was in the Middle
East.
Condi: That's correct.
Bush: Then who is in China?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir is in China?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Then who is?
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Yassir?
Condi: No, sir.
Bush: Look, Condi. I need to know the name of the new leader of China.
Get me the Secretary General of the U.N. on the phone.
Condi: Kofi?
Bush: No, thanks.
Condi: You want Kofi?
Bush: No.
Condi: You don't want Kofi.
Bush: No. But now that you mention it, I could use a glass of milk.
And then get me the U.N.
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: Not Yassir! The guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi?
Bush: Milk! Will you please make the call?
Condi: And call who?
Bush: Who is the guy at the U.N?
Condi: Hu is the guy in China.
Bush: Will you stay out of China?!
Condi: Yes, sir.
Bush: And stay out of the Middle East! Just get me the guy at the U.N.
Condi: Kofi.
Bush: All right! With cream and two sugars. Now get on the phone.
(Condi picks up the phone.)
Condi: Rice, here.
Bush: Rice? Good idea. And a couple of egg rolls, too. Maybe we should
send some to the guy in China. And the Middle East. Can you get
Chinese food in the Middle East?

2008-01-05T17:14:00.000+08:00

Mr Hon is my mentor(Principal) ??!?!! Don't know whether its a good thing or a bad thing?

CSE is so stressful... save me.

You are my role-model...

2008-01-03T11:54:00.000+08:00

Just get away from my life...
You make me go crazy.
Crazy with Happyness, Frustration and Sadness
Get away from me...
Im scared...

2007-12-31T10:45:00.000+08:00

It hurts...
Its so painful...
Its all their fault...
No
No its my fault...
I was the one who started the charades...
The me then...was stupid... plain stupid...

It hurts...
It made me contemplate many things... things you never knew I could think of...
Its so painful...
It aches...
Its crushing me...
No one has saved me yet...
They can't...
For they don't know what is crushing me...

2007-12-24T19:09:00.000+08:00

I have nothing to blog about now...
actually I had
but I forgot how to write them
damn...

2007-12-04T13:29:00.000+08:00

Voice in Head: There you go and hurt yourself again... aint you stupid... Jus shut your trap and don talk... then life would be better...

2007-12-03T17:41:00.000+08:00

SO BOOOOOOOORRRRRREEEEEEEEDDDDDDDD!!! ahhh wanna go out with frens.....

2007-11-30T10:10:00.000+08:00

Me: Feeling so happy, yet so sad.
Sub-consciousness: Why?
Me: I dont know, you tell me
Sub-consciousness: Thats stupid, what a fool you are, submerging yourself in self pity and thinking that you're some filthy nutcase. God, i wonder why im in you.
Me: Like as if i like you to be in me?
Sub-consciousness: Whatever... There you go again about thinking that you're some lousy piece of s***....
Me: I love Transformers....
Sub-consciousness: Shut Up!! Stop thinking that you're lousy, and stand up again!
Me: Like as if I CAN... Haha... its all because of people... they think ther small actions do not hurt anybody, but it does... maybe im just sensitive.
Sub-consciousness: Yes you are... You're just some self-pitying wimp who blames others... Foolishness
Me: Go away... as far as possible... out of my mind. OUT!!
Sub-consciousness: Run away... try as you might... but you will never get away... never...

Note: Conversation is real, but it does not mean that i am schizophrenic....

My family doesnt allow blogs...lol

2007-11-01T14:27:00.000+08:00

I'm carrying on... After all, it seems that im too wretched to be of any worth to you... like what most people think of me. I'm a wallpaper, a see-through glass, an ant etc etc...

2007-10-17T22:19:00.000+08:00

001. Real name: Yan Liaang
002. Nickname: Yannie, Yan Ling, Hamster etc
003. Married: no....
004. Zodiac sign: Sagittarius
005. Male or female: M
006. Elementary: MSHS
007. Highschool: HCI
008. College: HCJC.... not confirmed
010. Hair color: Black
011. Long or short: Short
015. Are you a health freak: Maybe
016. Height: You need a number or an adjective?
017. Do you have a crush on
someone: Yeeeessssssssssssssssssnoooooooooooooooooooooo
018. Do you like yourself: No
019. Piercings: Maybe
021. Righty or lefty: You mean piercing or being right-handed?

FIRST S :

022. First surgery: i never needed surgery
023. First piercing: DIDNT I TELL YOU I DIDNT HAVE ONE?
024. First best friend: Errr.... forgot
025. First award: some dumb award... forgot
026. First sport you joined: Table tennis...
027. First pet: Dont have one
028. First vacation: JAPAN!!!
029. First concert: Errr..... some boring String Orchestra Concert
030. First crush: Ask that again and im going to smack you up, down, right, left and centre

CURRENTLY:

049 .Eating: nope
050. Drinking: nope
052. I'm about to: copy bu?
053. Listening to: nothing

YOUR FUTURE :

058. Want kids: see how
059. Want to get married: As late as possible
060. Careers in mind: Private...

WHICH IS BETTER?

068. Lips or eyes: eyes
069. Hugs or kisses: Anything
070. Shorter or taller: Anything, its the heart that counts....
072. Romantic or spontaneous: err.... not sure leh
073. Nice stomach or nice arms: anything...
074. Sensitive or loud: sensitive or loud... wadeva.
075. Hook-up or relationship: Relationship
077. Trouble maker or hesitant: Anything

HAVE YOU EVER :

078. Kissed a stranger?: nope
079. Drank bubbles: nope
081. Ran away from home: wanted to? does that count?
082. Liked someone younger: anything
083. Older: anything
084. Broken someone's heart: Dun ask me, ask that person
085. Been arrested: -_-
086. Turned someone down: Don ASK ME!!
087. Cried when someone died: Yes
088. Liked a friend: Private

DO YOU BELIEVE IN:

089. Yourself: nope
090. Miracles: nope

091. Love at first sight: Maybe
092. Heaven: no
093. Santa claus: no
094. Sex on the first date: no
096. Angels: no

ANSWER TRUTHFULLY :

097. Is there one person you want to
be with you right now?: Private
098. Had more than one
boyfriend/gir lfriend at a time?: i have many boyfriends!!! Does that count?
099. Do you believe in God?: no
100. Post as 100 Truths: wadeva....

2007-10-17T08:10:00.000+08:00

haha... doing some random quiz today...

Girly
[x] I love at least one shade of pink.
[x] I don't like being messy.
[x] My belongings are organized.
[x] I don't like rock music.
[ ] I like wearing accessories.
[x] Bright colors amaze me.
[ ] I hate black.
[ ] I go to the saloon once a week.
[ ] I comb my hair almost all the time.
[x] I bring my phone with me
everywhere.

add up all your marks and multiply it
by 10. you are 60% girly.

Boyish .
[ ] I wear baggy pants.
[x] I play video games.
[x] I listen to boy bands like My
Chemical Romance, Yellowcard,
Switc hfoot, etc.
[x] I like wearing jackets with hoods.
[ ] I'm too lazy to do chores.
[ ] I don't like shopping.
[ ] I like to go bungee jumping.
[ ] I like being sweaty.
[x] I'm a big fan of marvel heroes.
[x] I barely wear perfume.

add up all your marks and multiply it
by 10. you are 50% boyish.

Nerdy
[ ] I always carry a pen in my purse
or pocket.
[x] I enjoy studying.
[x] I wear glasses.
[ ] I'm a straight-A student.
[x] I've never skipped any class in my
whole life.
[ ] I like my shirt tucked in.
[x] My favorite subject is science.
[ ] I enjoy reading books.
[ ] My assignments are passed up on
time.
[ ] I correct people with their
grammar.

add up all your marks and multiply it
by 10. you are 40% nerdy.

Emo
[x] I love the color black.
[x] I always sit at the corner.
[ ] One side of my hair is covering
one of my eyes.
[x] I like listening to metal rock
music.
[x ] I have a lot of problems in my
life.
[x] I'm not much of a loud person.
[x] I don't talk much.
[x] I don't have that much friends.
[ ] I barely have fun.
[x] I barely go out with my folks or
friends.
ad d up all your marks and multiply it
by 10. you are 80% emo.

Childish
[ ] I am open to my parents.
[x] I sleep with a stuff toy.
[ ] I watch cartoons.
[x] I don't like watching horror
movies.
[ ] I sleep with a night light.
[ ] My parents are the ones who
choose my outfit.
[x] I'm scared of roller coasters.
[ ] I like being with my family
relatives.
[ ] I take bubble baths.
[x] I've ran around the house in my
underwear.[in the past lar.]

add up all your marks and multiply it
by 10. you are 40% childish.

in all.... im 40% childish, 80% emo, 40% nerdy, 50% boyish and 60% girly.

err.... hahahahahahaaaaaaaaaaaa

2007-09-13T19:42:00.000+08:00

Hi all... im feeling emo today...

ok, so today math test was quite easy... hope I can get full marks, then I can get exempted from my EOY Math exam, which gives me more time to study...

Today our school had a blackout because there were tremors, or was it a fire? Yah and it disrupted our lessons... haha Zhen Quan was so disappointed when electricity came back.

I'm feeling so emo today... damn sick of life... I think I'll be talking about MAF07 and my performance on 9 Sep in my next post, Im in no mood to talk about it now...(If it is even considered as a performance...)

Whatever...

Csardas-Gypsy Dance by David Garrett in Harbour City

2007-09-10T11:18:00.001+08:00

2007-09-09T18:52:00.000+08:00

Ahhhh!!! Soooo busy!!! Havent do my chinese report, my geography ace and a lot more things!!! Help me!!

AAHAHAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHA
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHH
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHH

Ooops... O.o

2007-09-03T17:55:00.000+08:00

Hi!!! Nothing much to say today... jus want to show some amazing videos that I have seen.

Its cool... but I think the soloist is following the orchestra.... should'nt it suppose suppose to be the orchestra who follows the soloist?

2007-08-31T20:50:00.000+08:00

Haha... havent been blogging for sooo long!! this are the interesting things that happened in my life... if my life is even interesting... haha

1) I got A for my Project Day!!! Thats lyk... 10 ACE to my Math and 4 ACE to all my other subjects X-D!!! Thats lyk hitting a jackpot man!!! I think after adding the ACE to my subjects, I think I should have maxed the ACE of my Math? Chinese? Or maybe Science? Non-HCI people wouldnt understand WHAT im saying but you hci people should know what Im saying...

2) I dropped off the dragon-boat during EOTA (End of Term Activity)!!! You can say it was funny, scary and... cool!!! Okay...This was what happened, when we were dragon-boating, one of the activities we had to do was to sit on the edge of the dragon boat and make it slant from side to side, then I think I lost my grip or something and jus fell into the water!!! Everybody was lyk panicking and the trainer was lyk saying "Grab his legs, grabs his legs!!!" then some people were lyk going "Don't let go!!!" You can say it was a traumatizing experience but i think it was a funny experience!!

3)I have to solo 空山鸟语 on the 9 of September！ The 2G ppl should know what its lyk, after all i played it so badly during music lesson... I don't think i lyk 空山鸟语 that much... especially the last part... its lyk so damn weird lorhx... my 鸟叫 sounds lyk someone peeing in the loo lorhx!!! Seriously, its that disgusting!! Well, jus wish me luck!!

That should be all.... hope i can blog more often!!!

2007-05-22T18:55:00.000+08:00

Wheee so BUSY!!!

PREPARING FOR LAST EXAM HAHA IM MUGGING FOR THE FIRST TIME!!!

2007-05-17T08:25:00.000+08:00

hmmm... my blog has been stagnant for quite some time... so not me.. haha...
These are the things which happened to me the past few days:
1) IM FINALLY LEARNING THEORY!! After deciding for sooooooooo long, i've finally decided to learn theory again. maybe i'll piano after theory, or should i learn both of them at once??

2) Hwa Chong has a Music Elective Program??? this was the message posted by Mrs Chan Poh Ling:

Dear Sec 2 gentlemen,

1 Application for the GCE ‘O’ Level Music Course in 2008 is now
open to students who will be in: Secondary 3 Express/Special course
in 2008

SYLLABUS COVERAGE

2 Skills
§ Listening
§ Performing
§ Music Writing
Content
§ Study of Music from the Western classical and popular
traditions
§ Study of Music from the African, Chinese, Indian, Indonesian,
Japanese and Malay traditions

PRE-REQUISITES

3 To qualify to apply for the course, students must have at least:

Either a pass in Practical Grade 4 and Theory/Practical Musicianship
Grade 4 of the following UK Music Boards: Associated Board of the
Royal Schools of Music (ABRSM)/ Guildhall School of Music and Drama
(GSMD)/ London College of Music (LCM)/ Trinity College London (TCL)
Or a pass in Practical and Theory Grade 3 of the Australian Music
Examinations Board (AMEB)

4 Students without the above qualifications would need to pass a
Selection Test administered on Saturday 11 August 2007. The Selection
Test comprises a live audition and a written examination.

‘O’ LEVEL MUSIC CENTRES

5 Successful applicants will attend music classes at Nanyang
Girls' High School.

If you are interested or require more information, you may email Mrs
Chan-Lam Poh Ling at lampl@hci.edu.sg. The closing date is 2nd July
2007.

Regards,
Mrs Chan-Lam Poh Ling
Music Teacher

Performance... Hello??? do i look lyk i can perform?? Maybe i'll consider... Should ask her if it teaches the history of chinese orchestra.... LAWLS...

3)IM WRITIN THIS IN THE COM LAB!! Mr Yap is not here, so we have to go to the com lab... gtg the relieve teachers has a bad attitude...bb

2007-04-04T20:26:00.000+08:00

why are we always doomed to fall... whywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhywhy!!!!WHY!!!
Whats is SO WRONG WITH US!!! WE COULD DO IT!!! WE COULD GET GOLD WITH
HONOURS!!! THEN WE GOT GOLD!!! WHEN we knew that we were going to
get gold everybody waslyk going to cry lorhx... Life is nnnnnnnooooooooooo fair for us!!! Its damn ~~freaking~~ unfair!! WE could do it!!! so why did we get gold for SYF.... Arghhhhhhhhhhhhhh i feel damn zi bei and damn sad for the CO. I dont care, we are gonna get Gold with honours in 2009 no matter what happens...

P.S. Mrs Khoo is BACK!!! BUT the Eng Way treated her in such a rude manner, and i still wonder how he got into this school... HMM...

2007-03-28T21:59:00.000+08:00

NOTE TO SELF
Eng Way=Irritating
Reasons for equation
~His lyk so full of excuses lyk, "someone else read the reply letter leh, my english is very lousy" wat kind of excuse is that? You don wan to read, jus say so, don nid to tell us any excuses. Then he is lyk damn suck up... Hello? Its lyk you talk so loud and scold so many vulgarities during class then when you are in front lyk any teacher, you become a totally different person.You become some kind of law enforcer asking us to keeeeeeeeep quiet. Suck up? Definitely.
~His lyk damn act cool

Today was ok lah... I hated PE but lurved the Chinese lesson. Mr Tan spent a solid 40 minutes talking to us abou the fall of Qin dynasty and it was lyk soooooooo interesting, REALLY! Infocomm was okay, i lurved the Actionscript, the teacher doesnt have speech problems. Ya thats all. got to do my hot seating for lit project, if not get suan by Miss Quah.Bye!!