I saw this on my friends blog, it triggers memories...
My rage passed with the same acuteness as when it came. My strength was lost. My arm weak with pain and my breathing heavy from the exertion. My head spun, both from the loss of blood and anger. What was I angry about? What had I to be angry about? I brought this solely upon myself. I loved what was impossible for me to have, lusted to be with someone I could never hold in my arms. Yet the times we had together kept coming back to me. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. When my thoughts wonder I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you. Yet you left me to think, to ponder and cry when you had fun... you left me in the deeps of the sorrow and walked into the light of happiness. WHY?!
Why? Why would you not accept my love? Why did you push me to a side, take me as if I was just a friend? What do you treat me as? My mind is confused, my heart aches to be with you, my soul thirsts for your love, yet you hold back yourself… why?
Love needs no reason. Love is free. To love freely is to know a bliss that I find… a bliss and happiness that was never mine to be. I love you without reason, without conditions. My heart longs to see you happy, to see you smile. I want to be the one by your side through everything, to be by your side when you need a comforting word, a firm hold and a shoulder to cry into; would you let me?
You left me. Now when I need help the most, will you come back to me? I ponder over my possibilities. The corrugated blood on the blade serves as a stark reminder. Just one swift movement of that keen edge could end my knife like it drew blood from my hand. I took up the blade and pressed it to my throat. The cold steel drew a single bead of warm blood. Tears welled up in my eyes... this could be the last. I could press harder and end this all.
It reminds me, it reminds me of my past, the past which formed my future and made me who I am now... And as I think about it, I feel that our situation was horrifyingly similar, same school, having the same CCA etc etc. Well, you're lucky you didn't get the taunting, which I childishly brought upon myself. Well, lifes like that, learning things from the hard way...
With many tears,
~FadingSnowAngel
