Memories
Wednesday, February 27, 2008
I saw this on my friends blog, it triggers memories...
My rage passed with the same acuteness as when it came. My strength was lost. My arm weak with pain and my breathing heavy from the exertion. My head spun, both from the loss of blood and anger. What was I angry about? What had I to be angry about? I brought this solely upon myself. I loved what was impossible for me to have, lusted to be with someone I could never hold in my arms. Yet the times we had together kept coming back to me. I look around my room and everything I see reminds me of you. When my thoughts wonder I think of you, when I sleep I dream of you. Yet you left me to think, to ponder and cry when you had fun... you left me in the deeps of the sorrow and walked into the light of happiness. WHY?!
Why? Why would you not accept my love? Why did you push me to a side, take me as if I was just a friend? What do you treat me as? My mind is confused, my heart aches to be with you, my soul thirsts for your love, yet you hold back yourself… why?
Love needs no reason. Love is free. To love freely is to know a bliss that I find… a bliss and happiness that was never mine to be. I love you without reason, without conditions. My heart longs to see you happy, to see you smile. I want to be the one by your side through everything, to be by your side when you need a comforting word, a firm hold and a shoulder to cry into; would you let me?
You left me. Now when I need help the most, will you come back to me? I ponder over my possibilities. The corrugated blood on the blade serves as a stark reminder. Just one swift movement of that keen edge could end my knife like it drew blood from my hand. I took up the blade and pressed it to my throat. The cold steel drew a single bead of warm blood. Tears welled up in my eyes... this could be the last. I could press harder and end this all.
It reminds me, it reminds me of my past, the past which formed my future and made me who I am now... And as I think about it, I feel that our situation was horrifyingly similar, same school, having the same CCA etc etc. Well, you're lucky you didn't get the taunting, which I childishly brought upon myself. Well, lifes like that, learning things from the hard way...
With many tears,
~FadingSnowAngel
10:36 PM
Y Y Y
Tuesday, February 26, 2008
Split Personality 2:
I finally understand. I know how fake you can be. You have past the point of no return, your real face has disintegrated under the numerous masks that you wear. They say people's eyes are the windows to their souls but I've seen through those eyes... I see through those beautiful eyes and I see nothingness, just a hunger to satisfy it's own desire. Why? Im sorry, this could be a biased view. Im sorry...
I feel so scared... The world around me is crumbling. They give you a nice smile but they hold knives behind their backs. Maybe its just my perception, maybe im just being paranoid.
I feel so sad... The world around me is crumbling. I beg to differ, I've really tried my best. What's wrong with me? Why are you treating me like this? Or is it just my perception again?
I give people a smile, but I feel so sad.
Why is it always like this?
Self-Pity, I hold on to it like my life-boat... I despise it, yet who can I tell?
I miss my true friends... the people who had once quarreled with me, yet we became friends again. "What does not destroy you makes you stronger"
Your Words are meaningless, your smiles are fake your messages has no meaning. Is that true? Do I go by looks and achievements alone? I feel angry with myself. I've matured, but 泼出来的水不能收回,whats done is done. Im sorry.
Yours Sincerely,
~FadingSnowAngel
2:44 AM
Y Y Y
Sunday, February 17, 2008
Happy Side:
Friday: Willie followed us to GE and then we had comm elections... Then Willie said that Sherry looks hot or something... I don't know whether she's pissed or happy with that comment because she was laughing and threatening Willie at the same time??? LOL
Oh!!! Thanks Sherry for changing lessons with me...
I want to go into Logistics but after hearing that Logistics also have to deal with scores I decided not to go for it... because I feel that my handwriting is illegible and I'm still not proficient in reading wu xian pu!!! ~ pout~
Saturday: Went for tuition, Tricia said she is a nerrrddd(LOL!! Although I think otherwise... she's just a little light-headed) and Zhaoting said that he wants to transfer over to SJI.
Hmmm... I think Zhaoting can get in but... he will have to adapt... fast.
Sunday: TOMORROW IS PHYSICS TEST!!! WHAT AM I DOING HERE POSTING!!!
Dark Side:
My real face has disintegrated underneath my mask, well, back to wearing my mask again...
Conducting Tip: Get your rhythm right before you even start conducting...noob
5:01 PM
Y Y Y
Wednesday, February 13, 2008
The counselors said that I could tell them any problems that I have...
Why should I tell them?
Why?
I don't need anybody to pity me.
I don't need anybody to care about me.
You think what you see hear is all deception,just a few words to attract attention...
Heres the truth...
I am not who I really am.
What you see is a mask.
What you see is not me.
That fake smile.
Those fake laughs.
Its been long since I've looked at the mirror...
Who is the real me?
~ZephyrAndSnowAngel is still waiting
Shouting is heard, screams are heard...
Happy Valentines Day
Good luck for your term tests
11:14 PM
Y Y Y
Sunday, February 10, 2008
I shall remove my mask and confront the world
2:06 PM
Y Y Y
Thursday, January 24, 2008
I saw what was in front of me and gave a bitter laugh.
What irony.
I do my best to help others and to complete and fulfill my promises, but what do I get?
I stared at my literature review/intro and thought to myself "Why must I torture myself? Why must I torture myself so that others can make use of me?"
What irony... what irony...
~ SnowAngel
Changing... mutating... the hate in his heart has turned him... his eyes bloodshot, his heart as black as coal...
1:25 AM
Y Y Y
Wednesday, January 16, 2008
I am obstinate...
I am attention-seeking....
I am your demon in hell...
I am foolish...
I am inferior...
I am lame...
I am disliked by everybody because I am anti-social...
I am stupid...
This post shows that I am attention-seeking...
And this post is not being funny...
I am serious...
I am sick of this...
I am alone...
Face this demon with me or just say no...
No hesitations....
No halts...
Just decisions...
Just say yes or no...
It ends now...
~SnowAngel
Lays in despair as he's wings shrivel... Face disfigured and body battered...
9:46 PM
Y Y Y